Is my life an Act....?

You know, I am 24 years old and it bothers me that I have no career started or career almost finished. People think I just want to float through life, riding on other peoples boats and using their life raft...thats soo far from the truth. At least not anymore. After and during my first marriage, i wanted to be taken care of while to took care of the house. But you know, men think that because they leave the nest and arrive home to the nest after long hours away from the nest, they work harder then all stay at home moms, unless she cares for 10 children all day! Back when women were looked upon with a frown when they decided we should be equal with men, the men expected their wives to be home, house perfect and smelling good and children already off to bed with a full stomach. Even though times have changed, it should be okay for a woman's dream is to stay at home and take care. It should be okay. When you have kids, they are a job within themselves. They are actually worse than being a full time secretary! They are a constant work. Especially being a pregnant stay at home mom...LORD. Like now, all i wanna do is relax, clean and cook my family a nice meal for dinner. No interruptions, no crying or whining. I would at least like a full day to myself. I don't think thats asking for too much at all. And what I think is funny is my husband complaining about how he should have a day or two for himself, by himself. Its a given that he might feel that way but damn, can i go first! Haha...I mean, he's gone all day, no crying or whining...nothing. I could understand that you want come home to peace, which 50% of the time he does....but i want to scream " Damnit, What about me!"

I need a month to be massaged and pampered and alone, with a model size of his penis, so i can have him whenever i want. I keep reminding him that we are a team and we should have each others back no matter what. PERIOD.

The Self-Less Act

I love to watch him sleep....hearing him breathe at night soothes me, which drifts me off right to sleep. I've never in my life experienced this type of love before. The type of love where you are completely and freely giving yourself to someone else, wanting it in return but not forcing it to return. My love for him is a self-less love. One I haven't experienced in all my life, out of all my other relationships....I am the most unselfish. I crave his happiness, not more than my own, but seeing him happy, creates a new breath for my body to breathe. I feel connected to him in a way that is deeper than any physical or mental bond...I feel his spirit and I crave to nurture it. He fills my soul like a warm sun invading my pores. Last night, he called me an angel. He didn't understand, after all the horrible things he said to me the other night, why was I so forgiving and still loving towards him. My answer was simple...........because I Love You. I know it sounds so cliche, but when people realize what true love is, its much much deeper than anything u have ever felt. Its so self-less. I love me some him*We're gonna be all right because of it.

Disappearing should be a gift given to those who will pay

I don't want this blog to be my life story. Sometimes I don't understand life but when i think about it long enough...and question why things happen he way they do, the clouds roll away and my mind becomes as clear as a blue sky. This thing called love is a bitch! I love, love. Way too much because I tend to wear my heart not just on my sleeve but on shoes, my pants, my earrings etc. I really don't think that's a bad thing but i guess since I am going to wear my heart as a wardrobe, I should prepare myself emotionally for a break down. But my question is, how in the hell can u prepare for such a disaster!?? How can you devour your self in another human being for them to just give up and want someone better for themselves? The sad thing is, I've made someone feel like this before but it wasn't intentional and sometimes it was. Being younger and not wise, my motto was " you hurt me, i hurt you". But as u grew up and realized that the shit u put out in life, does indeed come back. Whether its positive or negative, everything comes back full circle. Life is a big circle aka the circle of life. Simba knew all about it.

I've always been ready for marriage and a meaningful relationship, ever since I was a kid. The broken hearts Ive had, made me stumble on the way. I just want to be blissfully happy, with a man who will love and crave me like no other before. I want to be someone to a man where he can say, "where have you been all my life". My body would tingle and giggle if I ever heard that again. I know I'm a great wife and girlfriend. My experiences have mold me into the woman I am today. Even this heart break....this heart break is nooo joke!! He is and forever will be my everything. I would run where ever he wants me to run. He has my heart captivated, forever. I don't think i could ever reject him if he asked me to come back to him. Even though his temper sucks sometimes, but mine does too....he is one of the greatest men I have ever dated and married (2nd marriage), child on the way (5 months preggo). As a stay at home mom for the second time, I am scared shit less to just move on and get my career started. He leaves to Korea 2 months after our baby is born and he's gonna be gone for a year. I'm hoping he'll get a clue out there. I am hands down the best woman he has ever had in his life....he said so himself. His job is so stressful, he has no time for himself. I completely understand that but when u have a family, its called sacrifice. I have no time to myself with a 2 year old, as a stay at home mom. I barely have time to take a long shower and relax after wards. I want to disappear!! Go to a place where the beer flows like wine and swim in a never-ending ocean without tiring. I am so stressed with this news and its too much for my heart to bare.

Does someone know a disappearing act??